Seriously, I'm almost 25 and feel like I'm just now learning how to hold a job and take care of myself. I've spent most of my life just thinking that I'm crazy. It's kind of given me hope, because I've always known that I didn't quite see the world most people do. The more I read, the more it sounds like me. I've only recently actually given credence to that idea I could be autistic. I've not been diagnosed with autism, but I seem to fit the bill pretty well, and I've been told I'm autistic more than once (and not always as an intentional insult). It's funny though, in that EVERY verbal thought in my head is being spoken to an imaginary counterpart. I tend to think in words and abstract phrases a bit more, but I enjoy writing and have a fascination with language in general. You described my internal monologue in almost perfect detail. Alternatively, they are of technologies that I come up with as I attempt to come up with plausible physical characteristics to make them possible, such as a sail powered plane. Images are very often complex stories with characters that reflect my ideals in strange, fantastical scenarios. It makes me think I could be a great EDM artist or a writer, though I'm terrible at writing and I don't have enough time to consistently compose music. Now what I definitely agree with is hearing music and seeing imagery, which is sometimes accompanied by narration. If I'm happy, I tend to think "I fucking love this" or something like that, usually not in a loop if it's a positive emotion though. I say stuff like "I just wanna die right now" or "please let this rewind" in a repeating loop to myself (each repitition is often a restatement of the last in different wording) when I'm worried. Strong emotions have a killer influence on it as well. I'm always expressing what I'm thinking or feeling into that void. It is also where all of my self-awareness comes from. The closer I can act to my internal voice in front of someone, the more I like them and the more comfortable I am with them. But for me, the internal voice is who I am in my truest form. I also tend to identify myself as my inner voice. Else." (It doesn't actually sound much like computer logic in reality, that's just a simplification of what it is actually like). Sometimes these things overlap, which is okay if it's something like imagery and conversation, but can be really frustrating/confusing/loud when it's conversation and conversation, or when it overlaps in many layers.įor me, my internal monologue is often my device of intuition. I'm an autistic person, and my own "internal monologue" tends to consist of conversations I imagine having, usually where I'm explaining something I'm thinking about (often these "conversations" are iterative, where I repeatedly rephrase until I feel like I've got it right), lots of music and echolalia, lots of no-words imagery.
So I'd love to hear different people's experiences! Whether you're autistic or not (please mention which if it's not in your flair). I'd always assumed "internal monologue" was just a metaphor for ones internal thought process, but my therapist says it's pretty literal for neurotypical people.
Something I've been thinking about a lot this week, which came up in our last meeting, is the subject of internal monologues. I just started working with a therapist who has experience working with adults on the spectrum, and it's been extremely enlightening so far.
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